eh

There seems to be a lack of creative juices tonight. I'm very tired but it was a good day. We celebrated our daughters birthday with family and a friend of ours tonight. It was fun. Our child was semi bratty tho and I'm not sure what to think of it. The second anyone else comes in the door the rules get thrown out and mommy & daddy are ignored. She refused to eat, kept demanding to open her gifts and then when we did start gifts she'd open on, toss it aside and demand another. I know she's just four and it was her moment but it just bothers me a little. I don't want her to think that just because her grandparents and her aunt & uncle are there that she can be a diva. I suppose it will just take time and will eventually get better as she grows up. Le sigh.

But it was a good day and fun hanging out with our families.

Now I'm chillin on the couch and turned the tv off but then decided I wanted to listen to some mellow tunes so I turned the tv to my Soundscapes channel. One of my FAVES just happens to be playing, so it was meant to be that I turned the tv back on, "An Ocean Apart," by Deep Still Blue. I LOVE ambient music.

Good nite!

200

200 page views! a-woo hoo!

I'm movin up in the world.

Sorry I just have nothing else to write about and I'm getting down to the wire for tonight.

same ol

alarm goes off-hit the snooze

alarm goes off again…drag still dead tired ass out of bed

coffee & a bit of facebook for a few measly minutes

blow nose
say bye to husband

get child up

dress child

blow nose

feed child

dress self

blow nose

pour a to-go coffee

coat child

coat self

buckle child in car

buckle self in car

drive child to school

blow nose at stop light

kiss hug & drop off child at school

drive home

get 3rd cup of coffee

blow nose

get more photos set to upload

eat bowl of cereal

blow nose

decide to do a DIY project

go to home depot

blow nose before going into store, blow it so violently throat almost comes out mouth

get awkwardly stared at by all the guys at home depot

(RUDE!)

make purchase

start project new hardware & refinish door knobs on all the doors in house

blow nose

powerdrill battery dies before starting third door (of 8)

start taking knobs off doors 

blow nose

get ready to get child

buckle self in car

drive to school

pick up child

buckle child and self in car

drive back home

fix childs lunch

fix own lunch

eat own lunch

nap child

blow nose

sand all door knobs and plates and screws

prime all door knobs and plates and screws

get charged powerdrill 

come upstairs to start hinges again

check child....she's awake

dress child

snack child

start another hinge

powerdrill craps out quickly

finish hinges manually with phillips---> fun times

blow nose

get email from new photography client

respond email to new photography client

spray knobs, etc with really crappy $8 metallic spray paint

wash up

blow nose

get another email from new client

attempt to respond to email

child gabbing in ear and won't leave distracting me from email

leave the email for later

start dinner

text hubby to get a red pepper on way home

he obliges

hubby arrives 

"what's that smell?"

"crappy spray paint." 

explain the DIY project

seems unimpressed and entirely indifferent

dinner complete

eat dinner

blow nose

serve child ice cream

clean kitchen dinner mess

hubby drops broom in kitchen-scares living bejeezes out of me

make ice

prep coffee maker

blow nose

return to office in peace to finish email

child comes in to show how good of a teeth brusher she is

child leaves

child comes in to say good night

kiss hug and love on child

child kisses hugs and loves on both cats

send child on way

start childs valentines cards for her school (homemade)

join husband in living room for shows

watch Grey's

watch Private Practice

bitch about having to still write blog entry

write blog entry

....will walk away from computer after this sentence and blow nose.

the joy of uploading

I've just started the wondrous task of uploading photos to an online gallery. Not just some photos. ALL photos. All photography jobs I've ever done! 227.33 GB to be exact.

It's sincerely ridonkulous. It's going to take me weeks to do it, especially once I get to the wedding folders that have thousands of jpgs. But since I'm such a responsible, caring and just all around fabulous photographer, I'm putting in the effort. I already have them all saved on an external drive, so this is going to be a back up of the back up, should something physically happen to the drive someday.

I've got four folders loading up now and they are slated to finish between 7-10 hours from now. Woo.

So I'm getting off of here to leave my Mac to it, she can take it!

Talk to you tomorrow!

MAGIC BEANS!!!!!!!!!

So. Did you know you could get a large jar of "gourmet," jelly beans at Sams Club? Well you do now….you can get a large jar of "gourmet," jelly beans at Sams Club.

I saw these and quickly plopped them into my cart. Our whole fam loves jelly beans especially Jelly Belly, which is what I thought they were at first. They are not, They are an off brand and while they are no where near the taste caliber of Jelly Belly, they don't disappoint.  I just spent much more time than necessary sitting and creating new taste explosions with the flavors. A few I made up -- 

Java + Marshmallow + Vanilla Bean=

caramel macchiato

Orange + Peach + Vanilla Bean= 

 Fuzzy Navel Creamsicle

2 Pears + Margarita=

surprisingly came out tasting like Sprite

I now have a sugar bean overload tummy ache which, admittedly, I'm not sorry for. I couldn't stop popping them into my mouth one after the next in the hopes of creating new flavor combos. Those babies are addicting! The little bowl is the one I have left on the dining table for when one of us wants a random bean or two...or 30. No...I did NOT eat the entire bowl!

blah

Damnit. 






I'm sick again!


I just want to be over this garbage. It's pissing me off. I have 15 days to get rid of it before we go out of town...




....TO FLORIDA!!!! I cannot wait and if I'm going to be sick it may as well be now and not when we leave. 


Que sera sera. 


AND you might have guessed it...it's Alcatraz and Castle nite!


I don't have much else to say. Later tators!

prayer

Dear God,

I've always wanted a little girl , one I would name Jolie. Four years ago this morning You brought her into my life and I will never, ever be able to put into words just how to thank You for doing so. She is nothing short of a miracle and when I look at her I see You.

She makes me crazy sometimes and I get angry and I'm short or terse with her. I've yelled at her and I've bickered at her and I've nagged her. There are days I detest being a mother. I always love her, but I don't always love the responsibility that comes with loving her. She will go on and on about something even after I have said the final word about it, even if its something she wanted. Like I forgot in the 3 minutes that passed since talking about it. This repetitive back and forth dialogue with her all day long, everyday, sometimes drives me to the very brink of my sanity. There are days when she rarely does what I ask or does the opposite, or tests boundaries, resulting in the aforementioned anger or bickering. It's funny how often the very second my lunch is done she needs to go poop and the last thing I see before I sit down to my lunch….well, you get it. And then there's days when it's not pooping but it's the fact she's done with her lunch and ready for her nap. So mine goes cold as I manage the 5 minute task of getting her into bed. Sometime's she is so snotty or so grumpy I wish I could just drive away and leave her to work it out alone. Most days, I can't get thru many tasks without several interruptions. I'll get her all set up to eat or get something put out for her to play with and the second I sit back down she already needs something else. Most days, I feel like she deserves a much better mommy, most days I feel I'm not cut out for this gift you most graciously bestowed upon me. She's just a baby, she needs me to guide her and teach her how to grow and be a big kid and that we use love to handle the hard stuff, not anger and bickering. Alas, I certainly always forget this Lord, and I fail her and You every single day.

Then there are days like today. Her Birthday. That bitterness of how my life is so utterly flip flopped all the time completely melts away and I all I want to do is love on her and give her everything she wants. I remember how much I love to dote upon her, how much I love seeing her have fun, seeing her smile and be silly. How I want so badly for the world to be her oyster. I remember that there is nothing I wouldn't do to make her safe and happy. I look at her and I see beauty, innocence and wonder that hasn't been corrupted by the awfulness of the world around her. I see a mind collecting even the smallest details to be sifted thru and placed accordingly later. I see You. And when I see You I remember that You are always there in those hard times, keeping a steady hand on my back to keep me  from falling over, from running away, from giving up. I know that being a mom is hard, I know there will never be a time when the difficult times cease. But I'm so thankful for it because it means I have her. The daughter I've always dreamed of. No matter how hard it is to get thru just one day, even one hour sometimes, I know she is worth it. She is my reason for breathing, my reason to live. She is my angel who is my constant reminder that You are with us always, that with You I won't fail.

Thank you for my beautiful, smart, funny, healthy, amazing daughter. 

In Your Son's name,

Amen